Codependency Co-Addiction - The Dance
The "dance" of co-dependency are two persons, the pleaser / fixer and the Taker / controller. This dysfunctional dance is in itself only with a partner that is a mutual dependence and another partner who is a narcissist (offender or addict happen). Fellow-sufferers do not know how to separate emotionally or avoid significant relationships with people who are selfish, controlling, and harmful to them. The search for partners who lived with her style of dance: a dance that begins asthrilling and exciting, but widespread ends with drama, conflict, and feeling trapped.
When a co-dependent, and come together in a relationship narcissist, dancing their "" unfolds flawlessly: the narcissistic partner has the lead and the reciprocal follows. Since the mutual give up their power, the dance is perfectly matched, no one gets the toes are kicked.
As a rule, give yourself a lot more compassionate than their partners to them. Give Than"generous", but a bitter partners, they seem to be stuck on the dance floor, always wait for "next song," at which time their partners will eventually understand their needs. The reciprocal confused care credits and victims with love and responsibility. Although they are proud of themselves described strength, unselfishness, infinite compassion, they end up feeling deflated, to be loved is empty, and the longing, but angry that they are not. They are essentially in a pattern of give-and-stickwithout sacrificing the potential of the same of their partners. When they dance, they often pretend to enjoy the dance, but usually hide their feelings of bitterness, sadness and loneliness.
The mutual love might find fears and insecurities of a sense of pessimism and doubt always have a healthy partner, someone to tell them who they are in comparison to do what they can. Of course, the narcissistic, mutual attracted low self-esteem and lowSelf-esteem. They know intuitively that they choose to be in control of the situation, the person has the control and the possibility to do the dance.
All compassionate want balance in their relationships, but seem to consistently choose a partner that leads to chaos and resentment. When a chance to dance with her narcissistic partner to stop or to dance comfortably sit until someone comes to sound, select it continues to dance. The mutual dare not leave theirnarcissistic dance partner, because their lack of self-esteem and low sense of self-value manifests itself in fear of being alone. Being alone is equivalent to lonely, and loneliness is an intolerable sense of a mutual dependency.
Without self-esteem or feelings of personal power, is the reciprocal not know how to enter in the selection of healthy (both sides) partners. Their inability to find a healthy partner is usually an unconscious motivation in the context of a person foundknow ... someone who reminds them of their childhood powerless. Compassionate Many come from families in which they as children of parents who were also experts in the dance. Eliminate the fear of being alone, control and coercion at all cost and comfort in their role as a martyr, who is infinitely loving, devoted and patient is a result of the roles they observed early on in their childhood.
No matter how often prevent mutual attempts to "unhealthy" partner to findconsistently on the dance floor, dancing to different songs, but with the same dance partner. Through psychotherapy, and to recognize, perhaps, a 12-step recovery program, which begins two-way, that is their dream of the great dance of love, the dance of reciprocity and mutuality, in fact possible. Through therapy and / or changes in lifestyle, they build self-esteem, personal power, and hope that finally, with the partners who are willing and able to communicate with the leadership shares dance, theirMovements, and adhere to a common rhythm.